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Pondering the blog

How quickly time goes by when every day you intend – really, truly, I’ll get right on it and it’s on my list – nay, are determined to continue writing for the blog, and yet somehow each day you fail to add anything at all. Why am I having such trouble filling these lines? I think it is a problem of identity – yours and mine. Because at this juncture, who I am when I’m writing here is largely oriented towards who my readers (such few as there are) may be at any given time.

What side of myself do I want to show here and how honest do I want to be? What has been holding me back from writing more so far has been the awareness of who exactly has been occasionally checking in on my little space here, and my desire to balance my personality for each of them. My impulse is to tailor myself according to whomever I imagine to be reading me at this moment; to appeal to differently to my parents (Hi Dad!) than to say, my friend Gina from grad school (Hey Gina!). This need to please everyone makes it truly hard to write anything at all.

And what about the strangers who may stumble across this little thing? What will they think? And how can I anticipate that and still write what’s on my mind? How do I assign importance to my voice and allow myself to write freely when I keep remembering that this is not a private diary but an open posting to the world, even if most of it will ignore me? Because again, this is the odd thing about writing like this: it’s at once utterly private and wholly exposed. Not the most original insight, but something that seems to have escaped a lot of people (see all those stories about teenagers posting on MySpace and then being surprised and indignant that their parents and teachers have been reading their “private” entries online. It’s called the World Wide Web for a reason, you know.).

So, having mulled this over, here’s where I am: I can either decide I have nothing to say and pack it in, or I can say what the hell, and write for the practice and the fun of it, and also for hearing my dad say he really liked my post and thought it was funny. This is still worthwhile to me, and so if the three people reading this like it, great!, but if they don’t, that’s also ok because hey, it’s my blog and I get to suck if I want to.

And so, on with it.

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One Response

  1. Stay with it for sure. I just happen to be lucky enough to be in on the ground floor, so to speak, of this blog’s development, meaning that I was privy to the information about its existence from the start. And while I am definitely partial, I think that the quality of the blog surpasses the level of my own interest. Which, as should be evident by now, is quite high.

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